humanity and tv

i am addicted to a number of television shows. that's right ... i am admitting it. i would like to say that my passion for current events and global causes eradicates any desire i have to participate in the drama that is hollywood and entertainment, like i am just too much of an activist, too busy volunteering and attending protests and writing my congressman to watch the boob tube. but i can't - i can't. i want to know if meredith is going to choose dr. mcdreamy or the vet. i want to find out if abby and luka are going to survive this baby trauma. i want to see who will become america's next ... top ... model. (sidebar: i would also like to know why janet jackson wore casts on both of her perfectly healthy arms during her today show performance. that family is just wierd!)

so what is this obsession all about? why do i emotionally salivate every time i pick up the remote control? i think the answer lies in the reality of the human condition - we want to know and be known. not only do i want to find out what meredith is going to do, i want to know what she is thinking, what she likes to do for fun. we could go shopping and do lunch, lamenting about men and what they do to our hearts. we could laugh about how dark and twisty other people think we are and admit if they only knew how really bad it was, they wouldn't want anything to do with us. even more so, they would be scared.

but i only get thursday nights. for one hour on thursday nights i get to know her a little better. it's sad when the hour is up and i know that i have to wait another week to find out more. it's a reminder that my heart is hungry for connection, even if it is with an imaginary, television character. (so sad.) and then it hits me ... maybe the reason i like this relationship so much is that i don't have to give anything to it. and when i do offer my two cents, it's not like she can hear me (because if she could hear me i think she would listen.) no, this relationship is one where i can just take and not have to offer any of myself. and that, my friends, is the other reality of the human condition - we are selfish. thankfully, i have the opportunity to know the One who is most selfless, who teaches me what it truly means to be in relationship - not for my own pleasure, but for the glory of God.

i have given myself a reprieve about the ambivalence of being an activist that likes tv. i think it has taught me that it is okay to be human. i am allowing myself to truly experience hunger for relationship, and i am learning to accept grace for my selfishness. thanks for being a part of that, meredith. see you thursday.

celebrating life ...

this weekend, john and i celebrated my 30th birthday by inviting our close friends over to grill out and relax. for me, it was a bit bittersweet. don't misunderstand - i am looking forward to my 30's. i feel that i have reached a major milestone in my life. i feel that i will have a newfound respect from people who are older than me. but more importantly, i feel that i am coming into my own. my skin is feeling a bit more comfortable to wear. the weight and power i have always given to the opinions of others seems a little less ... well, weighty. i feel more alive than i ever have. and in all my years, i have never felt the full power, love, and beauty of the Spirit of God surrounding me as i do today.

to all of you who joined us - and to those who were there in spirit - thank you for bearing witness to the work of God in my life and for being the manifestation of Jesus Himself to me in so many different ways. my heart is full of love for you.

i couldn't get my pics to post, so if you want to see some, check out both sabrina's and addison's blogs. they have some great ones posted there.

remembering 9/11

i can't believe it has been 5 years.

may we never forget.

may God bless and keep the family members and friends of the 2, 973 lost that day.

check it out!

so for those of you who have been following our extreme makeover - backyard edition, we have completed all of the major projects and are down to the final touches. john and i worked all weekend on the decking and the gazebo. and here it is! the arial view is a little dark because it started raining just as we finished, but it is awesome to compare it to the pics taken just a week or so ago.



isn't it great? and we have it done just in time for my 30th birthday soiree! i can't wait to enjoy the fruits of our labor.